A mixed race man looking confused about something

Are you in healthcare? Do you know anyone in healthcare? Chances are, you do. Or are. Or want to be. If you don’t know it yet, you are sitting on a gold mine of side-splitting stories about patients, their families, and other healthcare workers.

For example, if you are fortunate enough to know an ER doctor or nurse, they’ve surely regaled you of the time they pulled a phallic shaped “whatever” out of “there.” It’s never the patient’s fault, you see. In the immortal words of Frank Costanza, “It was a million to one shot, doc. Million to one!” If you aren’t familiar with Seinfeld references, they’ll be used a lot here.

Not all healthcare stories are quite as graphic, fortunately. Others are quite sad. I remember the one time in my physical therapy career that I called Adult Protective Services. While walking a patient through the home she shared with her sister, I noticed that the walls were coated with a strange coat of brown paint. It was irregular in its application, but liberal in its visibility. And then it hit me. It wasn’t brown paint at all. It was human feces. Surprisingly, I found a reason to cut the visit a little short that day. House #246 that will never be a part of my real estate portfolio.

Sometimes care providers can give you a good chuckle. Before stepping into a patient’s room a few years ago, a nice nurse’s aide stopped me to let me “in” on the patient’s condition. She was having a rough day, and had just returned from her doctor’s appointment. According to the aide, the patient had developed a “urinary contraction.” While I was unfamiliar with that particular malady, I agreed that it sounded quite painful! Hopefully, the antibiotic helped.

One of my all-time favorites actually happened to my wife (also a PT). She arrived at the house to perform a 30 day re-evaluation on the patient. The nice lady motioned for my wife to enter the home, but was still on a phone call. While wrapping up the call, the patient stated “Well, I’ve got to go. My re-vagination lady is here.” I didn’t even know my wife had been certified in that particular specialty.

I could go on for hours, but those are just a few of my fondest memories. Do you have a great story from your days in healthcare? Leave it in the comments section below. And if you’re a woman, always remember your yearly re-vagination appointment.

Categories: Medical